Thinking of dating a horsewoman? Please read the following carefully:

Easy to Locate: She’s either off on the horse or out in the barn.
Upholds the double standard: Smooches with the most bewhiskered beast, but recoils when a man needs a shave. 
Owns one vacuum cleaner – and operates it exclusively in the barn.
A social butterfly: Provided another horsey woman gives the party. Falls
asleep in her soup at all other functions.
Economy minded: Won’t waste money on permanents, facials, or manicures.
A culinary perfectionist: Checks every section of hay for mold but doesn’t
blink when she petrifies dinner in the microwave. 
Occasionally amorous: But never leaves lipstick on your collar, at worst,
slight trace of chapstick. 
Easy to outfit: No need for embarrassing visits to uncomfortable little
boutiques. She can find all she wears at the local tack store. 
Features a selective sense of smell: Bitterly complains about the
sticky-sweet cigar smoke of others while remaining totally oblivious to the
almost visible aroma of her barn boots drying next to the heater. 
Unmistakable in a bathing suit: She’s the one whose tan starts at the nose, ends at the neck, and picks up again at the wrists 
A dedicated club woman: as long as the words “horse” or “riding” appear in its name. 
Has your leisure at heart: Eliminates grass cutting by turning every square
inch of lawn into pasture which, in turn, converts itself into mud.
A master at multiplication: She starts with one horse, adds a companion, and if it’s a mare, she breeds it. 
Keeps an eagle eye on the budget: Easily justifies spending six hundred
dollars, but croaks when you blow ten on bowling. 
An engaging conversationalist: Can rattle on endlessly about training or
breeding.
Socially aware: Knows that formal occasions call for clean boots.
A moving force in the family: House by house, she’ll get you to move closer
to horse country (and farther away from your job.)
Easy to please: A new wheelbarrow, custom boots, or even a folding hoof pick will win her heart forever. 
Sentimental fool: Displays a minimum of six 8×10 color photos of the horse
in the house and carries a crumpled snapshot of you (taken before you were married) somewhere in the bottom of her purse. 
Shows her affection in unusual ways: If she pats you on the neck and says,
“You’re a good boy,” believe it or not, she loves you.
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